Our son Joel celebrated a birthday this week so that means that Sunday will be the 27th time I have qualified for the “Father’s Day Discount” down at Ruby’s Diner. Just between the two of us, I have never really cared for the way she fixes her “Fish & Chips” and I really don’t like eating with plastic forks so I will probably just go somewhere else and pay a little bit more and get what I really want. You may already know this, but some places offer the same discount that Ruby does and all you have to do is bring a bulletin proving that you went to church that morning. I say that because not all who read this will qualify as being a father, but everybody can come up with a church bulletin even if you have to walk in and grab one on your way to the restaurant.

But, as I was saying before I interrupted myself. I have been wearing the badge of parenting for 26 years now and trust me, I have enjoyed every minute of it. I can’t relate to or even appreciate the little comments that some parents make that talk about “getting rid of the kids” or “bootin’ ‘em out the door.” Fact is I have always kinda’ wondered if they would get tired of me long before I got tired of them. Parenting has been one of the most amazing joys of my life and it is my sincere hope that the kids have enjoyed the journey as much as I have. I am truly a blessed man.

I have been asked some amazing questions during my 26 year term as a Dad. Certainly not all, but most of the questions asked when your children are small are pretty easy ones. Looking back I must admit that most of the answers came to me without much thought or preparation.

I was asked such things as “Do you think that other K-Mart would have different GI Joe’s” or “How many more days until Santa comes again?” Those are easy questions to answer. The first answer is “I don’t know. Hop in the car and we will go check.” The second answer is, “You are 15 years old! Do the math yourself.” 

As the kids grew older their questions required more thought and certainly more training to answer. I never really did well in math beyond the basic bonehead stuff so I really wasn’t the one to ask. When questions were asked about square root or decimals, I often noticed that the trash can needed emptied or the dog was scratching at the door to either go out or come in. What direction he was going in really didn’t matter to me.

On the other hand, when questions were asked about football, baseball or golf, I would just tell the dog to go lay down or close the door to hide the trash can and then would proceed to give them the history of the sport they briefly inquired about.

I was just kidding about them wrecking the car when they found out about Santa, but I am very sincere when I say that I have learned more from them than they have learned from me. Raising children has taught me lessons that my formal education could not. No offense to the many distinguished professors that I sat under, but I learned the most from my kids. This entry would quickly exceed my 1,000 word limit if I began to chart some of the lessons my children have taught me. But, would you mind if I was transparent enough to share just one?

You would probably agree with me when I say that everyone has blind spots and everyone has their share of weaknesses and insecurities. I say that keenly aware of my own shortcomings. You probably already know this, but raising children will expose these areas of weakness and insecurity faster than any bright light the FBI could ever force you to sit under. The key is to learn from these experiences and decide to invest the effort to change.

Maybe it was dodging the square root questions that exposed this to me or maybe it was a frustrated child who felt they were not being heard. It was probably a combination of many revealers. But somewhere along the path of parenting I discovered that I wasn’t really as smart as I thought I was.

For many years I believed that a good dad had all the answers and a super dad always had life by the tail. I am afraid that running on such diluted fuel caused me to lecture more than listen and holler more than hug. Sentences I spoke often started with the words, “You will, You should, or You need to.”  Seldom did my sentences contain such kind and patient words as “I am listening, I understand, or I see your point” 

I am not proud of those confessions, but I am pleased to report that this father on this Father’s Day is a much different father than he was on Father’s Day in ’96, ‘98 or even 2007. I no longer feel that I must have life by the tail or hold all the answers. Reconstruction of the heart has placed windows where blind spots once were. Weaknesses are fast becoming strengths and insecurities are being evicted from my life week by week and even day by day.

I don’t know exactly why it has taken 26 years for me to realize that kids and parents often grow up together. Maybe that is why I say with confidence that the older I get the fewer things I would really die for, but what I do believe and what answers I have discovered….I believe with greater depth and meaning than I have ever known before.

To all who qualify for Ruby’s discount……Happy Father’s Day!